Kay
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You must not have liked that truth huh buddy
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You have never once in the entirety of our relationship listened or understood me. A+
Keep telling your side, your pains, and what you want her to hear so you get the response you need to validate the way you behave.
Don’t worry, I was never fooled.
Heal however you need to. As long as you heal this time. Hurt people only hurt people. You hurt me for 6 years.
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They do when you’re good at it. You are.
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that’s rich coming from you
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You even make me sick in my nightmares…
I made you who you are now… there is parts of me intertwined in every piece of you. I made you grow as tall as I could, but it still wasn’t enough. You’re now going to trash my name to the world, when I was the best possible thing that ever happened to you. If you tell them about any ways I hurt you, you best also mention every time I cooked, cleaned, consoled, and went out of my way to care take for you. I was committed, so committed to working on this with you for six years. You cannot blame me for finally realizing I needed someone with the same amount of commitment to me. My body knew before my head, it goes first. That’s why I did not want to do anything intimate with you the last year, because I knew this was going nowhere, and I don’t know how you didn’t.
Yet here you are, already with another girl just like you did with me after Vanessa. That is terrifying. At least allow yourself to grow and learn to be on your own since you never have.
I react because you did things to hurt me. I dont wish bad on you. I was too young for you, and you weren’t ready for me.
Please be better to whoever is next, because I didn’t deserve the pain. I didn’t deserve the accusations. I didn’t deserve all the things I had to learn about you AFTER the breakup. I really truly can’t believe who you have become. I thought I knew you and it turns out I was under your facade for six whole years. Please be better Jathan, be better.
The ONLY thing I thank you for is this. Since we broke up I can finally think, and compute thoughts on my own because I’m not being forced to think a certain way. So here it is, thank you for no longer controlling my thoughts and emotions, thank you because now I can be a real person who doesn’t have to worry about upsetting Jathan, or doing something to piss him off. Thank you because my anxiety is decreased in all categories since we broke up. I can ride in a car with people, I can drive to Atlanta with no worries, and I can stand up for myself to my friends and my family. I didn’t realize what was impeding me, but now I know. And now I know what I deserve in this life.
We never got to end on a good note, I never even got a last hug. So this is the best I can do. I wish you well. I wish that every heartache you have encountered has a bigger reason and that you will see why one day. I hope your negative attitude about life begins to ease because it’s not healthy to think that way for so long. It tolled on you and it took a huge toll on me as well. Bad things happen Jay, we must continue. I did love you, a lot. I’m sorry it wasn’t enough for you.
And lastly, I haven’t behaved or reacted great to anything about you, I am not going to apologize for that though. You need to understand that the only break up I have witnessed was you and Vanessa and how you acted in every way. It is all I know. And you KNOW you were not a good person in that. I’m trying to be better than that.
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My last relationship. Every argument. He wondered why I never “understood”. Because he never made and sense, the goal was to talk me in circles until I couldn’t think straight.
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Being gaslit and manipulated for six years has done a number on my mental health. Here’s to relearning who I am because I was torn away from myself at the mere age of 17 when he was 23. I’m 23 now and I’d rather put myself in jail than be with someone that young. I am free. I am free. I am FREE.
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“Alone or not, you gotta walk forward.”
— Cecelia Ahern
